Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i now understand why vodka
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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