How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
