My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
