You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
