you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize