o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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