I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
