Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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