Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My balls are so social today.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
