just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
