Jerry, you need to find god
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
