i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
