I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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