Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
