I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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