dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
NoShamevember. You game?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
