I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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