My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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