i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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