Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
