I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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