we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
