Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
