Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
