Tell her she can't have a vagina
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
