some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
