ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
