so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
