pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
