i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
