I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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