I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it's like iHOP with fire
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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