if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
