Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
