his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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