I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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