We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
