New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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