that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
