every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ketchup is God's man juice
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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