Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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