Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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