just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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