I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize