I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
