11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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