Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
