yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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