Don't make out with my wife yet
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You left your phone here
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