Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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