And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
