I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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