I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
