Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
