Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
