i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
