6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
