I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
