I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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