My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
