i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
