It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sorry my hands just texted you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
