Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
