Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
