i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
