he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
