I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
