Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
