no, he came in my armpit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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