you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
